I don’t know whether I am the most important thing in the world, or whether all people (apart from me) are.
For example, I came home the other day to find a naked woman looking inside the cuboard under the kitchen sink.
Part of me did wonder what she was looking for. I mean, the only things in there are various food preparation utensils, and she didn’t look like she was dressed for cooking. But most of me was concentrated in her appearance.
She was on her hands and knees, with her spine dipping slightly downwards so that she afforded me a lovely view of her hanging gardens. I have to confess that a certain kind of thrill went through me at the sight.
She actually looked like she was dressed to take a shower, and that’s when it hit me. I’d turned the water off at the stop-cock in order to change the washer on a tap. Obviously she was trying to turn the water back on!
“Sorry, I forgot to put the water back on.”
Maybe I should have cleared my throat or something before directing this statement towards her rather fetching backside.
You know how, in movies, people bang their heads on the roofs of cupboards when someone startles them? Well that’s exactly what happened on this occasion.
The music coming from her phone would have masked the sound of my key in the door and the squeaking as it opened.
She backed out on hands and knees, looking not at all like a tiny donkey or an oversized hound. No, she looked like an attractive woman with long, blonde hair hanging over her face and in possession of a lovely pair of breasts.
Let me introduce myself. My name is Eloise. Let me tell you what this woman would have seen as she turned around.