I surprises me to find that I’m just as messed up now as I was when I was a teenager. But it also pleases me to find that I have much the same spirit of adventure and creativity I had when I was a teen.
I don’t think that I’ll ever figure out what life is really about. There are just too many aspects for me to compute them all at once. Maybe I’ll work it out as I suck in my last breath – or maybe a moment (or so) after that air leaves my body – never to return.
I’m quite looking forward to dying – not that I want it to happen any time soon! It seems to me that it’ll be that last great adventure – the chance to know what no-one has been able to come back and tell us. I want to be awake and aware as I pass away. I want to train my mind to be able to process this information as it happens. I want to be capable of surviving it.
Strikes me that I’m not making much progress in this. I mean – I can’t even seem to persuade my conscious awareness to survive falling asleep, much less falling into the Big Sleep. I need to do more work. I need to be more aware of my depths. I need to be stronger.
I need to stop typing this now so that I can practice falling asleep whilst remaining aware of what’s around me.
Just another day at the office – right?