Greedy, Seedy, Needy

How do I rid myself of this sticky unease? It’s all in my mind right now but I think that it has come from my body. I think that it took root in my body and is now growing through into my mind.


I wrote (most of) the above a few days ago. I think that the ‘cure’ is to stop dicking around and do something useful.

I also need to cure my addictions to:

  • Desire,
  • Attention,
  • Distractions.

There is a lot of slime behind those three words.

On a different note – I was thinking, on the way to work, that I should recreate the conditions of my ‘real’ life on this blog, but then I realised that this would involve not posting anything, unfriending everyone and then ignoring all comments. So that might not work for me.

What I really need to do is become a real boy. I need to open up to the world. And that doesn’t mean just on my blog. I need to express myself more to the flesh and blood people around me.

But before I can do that, I need to become a better person inside. I need to become someone who has things that are worth expressing. Good things. I have too many thoughts about unsavoury subjects. I would like to stop having them.

I maybe need to modify the inputs to my life. For example, I’m reading Lunar Park by Bret Easton Ellis, which is a really grim tale narrated by someone who seems to have gone bonkers. It’s written in a style and tense that encourages the reader to feel the same things the writer is feeling. I can feel it sucking my mood down and my energy out. Someone recommend me a nicer book?

I’m in a team meeting right now. My only contribution so far is “I spent Friday messing about with the ‘GNU Image Manipulation Program’ otherwise known as GIMP and then the weekend worrying about how to phrase the following sentence “Please Give Me Some Work To Do!”” I have said other things since then, but most of them involved me begging to be given something useful to do.

I need, I need, I need. I’m just one needy bundle of flesh right now.

Have a nice day.

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35 thoughts on “Greedy, Seedy, Needy

  1. Whenever I feel that inner sense of unease I take myself off for the weekend to a spiritual retreat. This always works for me and might work for you too. Tuning into what fills you up and what depletes you will definitely help you to live a more authentic life. Have you heard of Abraham Hicks, worth a listen on youtube. Wishing you a great and busy week.

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  2. Be mindful of what you’re feeding yourself, sounds as though you’re aware of the effects. If my experience is any indication, I can’t think myself into a new way of being, I must act myself into a new way of thinking.

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    • Actions begat thoughts. Interesting perspective. I always thought (see) that it was the other way around – that thoughts were the cause and actions the effect. But yes, being mindful of what I’m feeding myself is a good start – so long as I put my findings into action. Okay, no – your advice confuses me – your experience is not my own. I can think my way into a new way of being. My way of being then leads inevitably to a different way of acting. Being precedes action and thought precedes being. Actually, the latter may not be true. Being is at the root of it all and is the basis of thought and action. There are two levels of being – true (aligned with God) and false (also known as ego). The first level is what we must intend towards … but what do we use to do that? Action seems like such a lame place to start, but thought isn’t really much better. I was looking as something called Abraham Hicks … I wonder if I can get some help there? I so much want not to need it. The ego part of me wants to always be right and strong (but is rarely so). I know what – I’ll surrender to the will of God.
      I surrender to your will, Lord – do with me what you will.
      There, that should do it.
      Thanks for your kind words, my friend.
      Robert.

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  3. Are you striving to achieve a balance between your physical and spiritual well-being, or are you leaning towards ascetism? In my opinion, asceticism adds unnecessary suffering to the world. But then again, what do I know? πŸ˜‰

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  4. You are also soooooo charming, enearing, and wonderful…I feel your pain when it comes to being sucked into vortexes of disturbing content….moderation is key, but binge-reading and or watching can be an alluring trap πŸ™‚ That’s when I switch to re-watching all 5 of Jim Gaffigan’s stand up routines/specials on Netflix. Thanks for sharing πŸ™‚

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