The faint hope that it’ll be okay


It seems that me and the team (from work) are meeting at six and then going to the bar. That should be interesting. How do I keep calm in light of the fact that I don’t drink alcohol (and even have difficulty spelling it)? How do I maintain my status as ‘one of the boys’ when I’m going to stick out like a pink iPhone?

But it’s just not worth the hassle to announce that I want to stay in my room and read my book, and go on my blog until hunger drives me out to find pizza. Is it?

I do still have the lingering hope that I might fit in, one of these days. That I might actually enjoy myself in the company of men. And that’s what’s making me meet them at six. The faint hope that I might just be okay.

To be honest, I prefer the company of women. No, actually – that’s wrong when I think about it. I prefer the company of people who I can have a sensible (and yet senseless) conversation with. People who are like me. People who aren’t too afraid to say what’s on their mind and see where that leads them.

Having said that, I’m not really sure what form such a conversation would take. It used to be that it would involve flirtation. But I can’t really do that now. It’s against the rules. And besides, I couldn’t do that with blokes! Well, I could. But I wouldn’t want to. People can get the wrong impression you know!

Anyway, it’s thirty-eight minutes past five and so I have twenty-two minutes to gird my loins, so to speak. I’m sure it’ll be okay. Just so long as I don’t fall into the wrong kind of silence. That’d be the worst thing. If a bout of self-consciousness came over me and I went quiet, that’d be that. I’d be dead in the water.

How about if I pretend to be drunk? Yeah – that’d do the trick. An evening of pretending to be drunk!

Gah. Kill me now.



54 thoughts on “The faint hope that it’ll be okay

  1. *coming to kill you*
    Listen, I know, I’m too young to say this, but I have been told this by someone very much experienced and good…… Don’t try to fit in, deliberately, what will happen, will happen. What’s the worst thing that can happen? Whatever it is, it’ll be forgotten, but if you try to fit in, you will be just another brick in the wall.
    And somehow I think it went well.
    Maybe I said a lot of things I shouldn’t have. Sorry, if you don’t like them.
    Warmest wishes and regards,

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Well, by the time you read this, you are hopefully fake-drunk and forgot I didn’t send you a message last week to wish you well, etc. 🙂
    So, for upcoming week; all the best, enjoy the weekend and big hugs! XxX

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ah, it all went well last week, so that’s okay. 🙂
      Fake drunk worked for a while and then it stopped and the party broke up and we all went back to the hotel.
      Hugs and all of thay to you for this week, next and maybe even the one after that you ration it out. 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I can relate (too well) to your dilemma; I also blow every social event out of proportion. Just taking myself too seriously, I guess. Most of the time, I feel awkward and bored at these things, but in hindsight, it’s never as bad as I feared it would be. It’s good for the mind/soul to get out of one’s comfort zone once in a while, innit?
    *gives you a pat on the back in solidarity*

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Pingback: It Was Okay | robertcday

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