An Evocation of Real Time

The story of life in around 500 words:

Hitting Rock Bottom? Nah. I’m going to avoid rocks. Not going to say anything about them. Not going to listen to the vagaries of subconscious or unconscious. I’m even going to ignore my own, personal genius. I’m going to leave it to chance. A spreadsheet that generates 10 numbers and then converts them to letters (1=a, 2=b, 3=c) then pairs them to give five two-letter combinations to type into Google. The five words that emerge are the ones I’m going to write about. See, there ain’t no way I can possibly hit those rocks.

Falling in Love is like writing words. One by one as they fall from my mind into my fingers through the keyboard into the screen onto the internet into your eyes, brain and mind. You have entered my words and fallen in love with what I am made of.

Getting Your Heart Broken For The First Time is like wrapping yourself around a razor-blade, even if one single drop of blood is shed. I lick it from my finger, take that drop into my mouth and then swallow it. Does this mean that I’m no longer be a vegetarian? Am I a cannibal?!

Realizing What You Are Passionate About is easy. For me, it’s understanding. I’m stuck on a slogan from the 25th of September 2011, which reads “Time is money, money is the root of all evil and knowledge is power. Therefore procrastination is the key to world peace.” I’m waiting until I understand this before I tear it off.

Getting Fired From Your Job For The First Time shouldn’t be funny, but for me it was. It had to be. I’d promised my boss that it would be funny. Why that promise was more important than keeping my job is something else that I’d like to understand.

Getting The Job of Your Dreams is like finding salt in a sachet labelled ‘salt’. This needs explaining. Okay. Salt comes in little packets from MacDonald’s or M&S or other places you get hot fries. I’ll explain why this relates to the-job-of-your-dreams some other time.

Losing A Close Friend is impossible these days. Sat-navs, GPS and the ubiquity of Smartphones. Well, duh!

Getting Married starts with a plateau that has collected a courting couple of mountain and small animals that wander here and there according to how I shove them. They’re going to wander off to the oasis soon because my arm is going to sweep across like a sirocco, readying the plain for visitation, to wit crisps, oranges, sandwiches and a Nakd bar. Do you take this food to become your …

Becoming a Parent of a child is like taking delivery of a salad. The parallels are obvious – both become compost. Every metaphor breaks down sooner or later.

Buying Your First Home begins and ends with cold and dark. Don’t ask me how. Just take it on faith.
Cold: Hello my friend.
Dark: What do you mean ‘hello’! We’ve never been apart!
Cold: Stupido; of course we’ve been apart! Think of summer and darkness. Think of cold days.
Dark: Think of leaving this house, my friend.
Cold: Why?
Dark: Because you will.


This was an exercise in concision. I edited 2,380 words down to 531. I started with external detail journal (part one of four)external detail journal (part two of four)external detail journal (part three of four) and external detail journal (part four of four).

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