That’s outside. Outside is going to be cold. I can tell from what the corridor outside the toilet is like. There is always not as warm as the other places in the building are. The cold seeps into a person’s bones if they are not careful. It stiffens them and makes them feel old even if they are young.
The best way to get rid of cold is not to bother with coats and snug corners of buildings; it’s to move the body more. It’s a proven fact that layers of clothing capture heat and that buildings do the same and this is why people spend their money on the latest miracle fabric or triple-glazed window or fluffy hats with pictures of goblins and other beasts on them.
But what they don’t sell you on the telly, in between movies and stuff, is the idea that you can get warm for absolutely free by getting up off your bum and moving yourself around a little more. All those layers need some heat to capture and they don’t have to get it from outside you, they can catch it as it tries to escape from you into the cold, cold spaces outside the window (that’s not double-glazed I’ll have you know).
And that’s about all I have to say about the cold.
But then there’s the dark.
Darkness holds hands with the cold. They are buddies. Just look at that photograph again and see how they cavort and play together out there. If they were to have a conversation it would go like this:
Cold: Hello my age-old friend.
Dark: What do you mean ‘hello’! We’ve never been apart for you to be able to say ‘hello’ to me.
Cold: You stupid old fart, of course we’ve been apart! Think of summer and darkness. Think of cold days. Think of the dark side of the moon, which is an album by a band called Pink Floyd and was hot stuff back in …
Dark: Think of how mad you are when you talk of things like this
Cold: Me? Mad?! How frickin’ dare you! There you are; nothing more than the absence of light and you tell me that I’m mad?!
Dark: You’re not very bright are you.
Cold: Hahahaha; look who’s talking!
Dark: I scorn the very words you say about me. No-one can look at me, you fool; I am darkness. If you want to look then you need light.
Cold: Actually, that’s a very good point. I have nothing to say in response to that.
Dark: Then shut up then.
Cold: I just did.
Dark: No you didn’t. If you had shut up you would not have said that you just did. You are a fool and a wastrel.
Cold: Wastrel. I like the sound of that!
Dark: If the cap fits etc. etc. etc.
You see? They are just like the finest of friends.
Well, seeing as I can’t remember the point of all of that, I’ll stop talking about it. But what to talk about instead? Let me examine the thoughts burbling through my mind and pick something from the flow before it goes beyond my reach. Okay, how about this:
My head hurts. I’m thirsty. My fingers are a little cold. There’s a beeping going on over at the other side of the room. My chair is comfortable enough to sit in all day. And I’m three minutes over the twenty minutes that I was supposed to type for.