Chew Your Peas

I read somewhere that if your chew your peas, you don’t get as much wind. I try to take that advice to heart. I have a stab at chewing each mouthful 32 times even though I’ve only got 31 teeth. In case you’re wondering, the missing tooth is one of the wisdoms. It just never grew. Do I have a good excuse for not being wise?

When I pulled the flush the day before yesterday it didn’t do its job properly. Bobbing in the bowl afterwards was a single, solitary frozen pea. That’s to say, it was frozen when it was in the freezer. It wasn’t anymore. Not by any stretch of the imagination.

When I pulled the flush yesterday morning I had no idea that history would be repeated. Usually when they use that phrase they aren’t referring to frozen peas. But there it was, bobbing in the exact same spot as the one from the day before. And before you ask; no, it wasn’t the same one.

When I pulled the flush this morning, it was a sweetcorn bobbing about down there. I’m not sure what to say about this. I can’t even remember eating sweetcorn the day before. Perhaps this is one of those Mysteries of Time and Space that I used to read about as a kid. Maybe I ought to open an X-File on it.

Or perhaps I ought to just pay more attention to my chewing. I tend to do a crossword at the same time as I eat dinner. If I was more mindful of what my mouth was doing then none of this would be happening. But then again, what would I write about if these things were not happening in my life?

Yeah, no; don’t answer that.

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