Wait, wait – it’s not what you think! This is about clothing; not skin. This is a story about a washing machine cycle.
I’m a jeans and t-shirt kind of a guy: Levis and whatever form-fitting tee that’s on sale at Marks and Spencer. Yeah, yeah, of course I wear socks and other sundries too, but all you see on the surface is the jeans and tee (or, if the temperature drops below zero, I might wear a jumper too).
When I get the end of any given week, and the wash-basket and laundry hamper and various racks and surfaces fill up with various items of clothing etc. I gather them all up, dump them in front of the washing machine and sort them into piles.
It’s generally darks, lights and towels, but for the last couple of weeks, the whites pile has been very small, and it hasn’t been getting any bigger. This is why I’ve declared this week to be White Supremacy Week: a seven day period during which I wear as many white clothes as possible.
I’ve already had a sort-out in my clothing drawer. Turns out that I don’t have many white t-shirts and so I’ve had to supplement that pile with some polo shirts and a tee that has a hole in the collar. I have no white jeans and so I’ve had to put on the most faded pair I have. I don’t have any full-size white socks and so beige has had to do for the start of the week, and towards the end I’ll have to wear those little socks I wear under my deck-shoes when I’m on holiday (hope it’s not going to be a cold week). And I have no white undies at all and so it’s going to have to be the usual colour, which, I’ve just realised, is going to create a problem for next week.
The aim of all of this is that by the end of the week I should have enough whites for a wash. I will be able to get rid of the tiny pile of whites I’ve had left over for the last couple of weeks. Trouble is, I can foresee that I’m going to end up with a small pile of dark undies!
That pile won’t be big enough for a darks wash and so I guess have just two options: I wash them by hand, or next week is going to be Commando Week. I really, really don’t like washing clothing by hand; I can never seem to get the soap out, no matter how many rinses I do. And aside from that, it makes my cuticles fray. But the alternative path is even more dire. Going Commando makes things feel altogether too … unsupported; you know what I mean? I guess it’s the equivalent for women of not wearing a brassiere. And there another thing too: I accept that it’s almost winter, but Christmas is a long, long way off, and so it’s definitely too early for Christmas baubles to be hanging, right?
What do you suggest, gentle readers? Can you offer me any support in my time of need?
(Illustration is an excerpt from ‘Dawn Until Dusk’ by Alexander Millar)