I like to chat, but only when I feel like it. I can go ages without wanting to chat to anyone. And at other times I just want to talk but not to hear anyone talk back.
It’s like – there’s this guy I know that always wants to interrupt you when you’re talking. And it’s annoying. He tries to do it to me too but I just talk through him. I deliberately raise my voice so that I can just about hear that he’s saying something, but I just don’t know what it is. He’s, like, a little mosquito whining away in the background and I know I’ll have to deal with it at some point but for now, I’ll trust that my insect repellent is working.
So, yeah; I’ve strayed from what I’m trying to say, but the example was kinda relevant all the same, right? Sometimes I just want to talk without anyone commenting. Which is not to say that you shouldn’t, it’s just that you’ll have to wait until I’m in the mood before I reply.
And it’s rude. I know. It’s borderline aggressive to keep people holding on as I do. I pretend to myself that I’m assertive and that I have the right to reply in my own time, but I’d hate it in real life if someone did the same to me.
When I think about it – that’s what people do to me. They keep me holding on. Hmm, let’s think about this. Do you believe in karma?
In its simplest form, karma is about acting in a way that you expect that another wants you to act based on how they have acted with/towards you. Or, to reverse the flow: to see that others are acting towards you in a way that they perceive you want them to act based on how they think you are acting towards them. And yeah, that’s just scratching the surface. There are dark depths too, with bloody revenge exacted over multiple generations being just one of them.
So you see what I mean now about them keeping me waiting? They see that I do that with people and so naturally assume that I like people to act that way towards me! And so that’s how they act! The problem comes when my behaviour stems from aberrant personality traits concocted in a dark and twisted childhood.
To be honest, I don’t think that I had a dark and twisted childhood. But I do have aberrant traits. Oh, don’t get me wrong, it’s nothing too bad. I’m only a little warped away from reasonable! But it’s enough to tick people off. And enough to get me upset when they get upset. I mean – can’t they be a little bit more understanding? Can’t they see that I’m flawed material and that I’m trying my best to deal with me?
Anyway, all as I’m trying to say is that: sure, I can give the impression that I’m a live-one, and that I’m willing to chat here, but try to understand that we are in the throes of a blood feud that goes back many generations. And so if I go cold for a while – deal with it. Because honestly? It’s much better than hearing a noise in your bedroom at night and then waking to see moonlight glinting off of an object that’s scything towards your …
Robert; stop right there!