The Ghost Train (re-written)


Cornish Railway Station waiting room at night.


  • Richard and Elsie Winthrop – married couple
  • Two newlyweds – Charles and wife, Polly
  • Teetotal spinster lady with a caged parrot
  • The Stationmaster
  • Teddy Deakin – the guy who pulled the cord to stop the train (lost his hat).

Scene One

Parrot: Pretty polly.

Polly: (blushes) Charles, dear – could you perchance quieten that parrot?

Charles: My dear, you are a radiant light on an otherwise dull stage – any parrot would be foolish not to have a crush on you. I certainly have. Since the day we met I’ve been looking forward to this evening when we can finally …

Richard: There’ll be no ‘finally’ for you two tonight, unless you want to pop out back and …

Elsie: That. Just that is exactly why I don’t want to be with you, Richard. You are a boor and and bore and now – you’re a boar too.

Teddy: I think she means ‘pig’.

All: Shut up!

Teddy: Listen, it was an expensive hat! I just had to pull the cord!!

All: Shut up you idiot!

Stationmaster: Look, it’d be best if you didn’t stay here. How about you all walk up the lane a little ways. There’s a fine establishment where you can spend the night. It’s not more than five miles away!

Teddy: Five miles! I’m not walking five miles without a hat!!

Stationmaster: There’s things afoot tonight that you’d be better off not to see.

Richard: How dare you talk about my wife like that. She may have a vicious tongue in her head but she’s not as ugly as …

(A bang offstage and everyone jumps)

Polly: (grabs Charles around neck) What was that?!

Charles: (turns red as windpipe is steadily crushed) Gggghh.

Parrot: Pretty polly.

All: Shh.

Stationmaster: Be quiet. It’s come. Listen …

(there’s probably more, but who’d be interested)

2 thoughts on “The Ghost Train (re-written)

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