Hot Topic

‘Being me’ feels like something that’s been on my mind for a while and also something that’s a bit of a bone of contention with people who want me to be what they want me to be instead. I wonder how well that translates into other languages. I’m learning Hindi and I wouldn’t even know where to begin!

I want to be me. I want to be so like me that I don’t even have to say ‘I want to be me’ because I’ll already be me and so the need to say it won’t even occur to me. The very fact that I say it indicates that there is a gap between how I am and how I want to be.

So, what’s stopping me from being me? Here are some of the things that occur to me (oh how I love me a good list). When I’m me I …

  • get an adverse reaction from those around me. They hate the me that I want to be and rant and rave at me for having the temerity to make my own choices in life. I can understand their reaction if they pay me to be other than I am, but if not? Meh!
  • feel uncomfortable with some of my thoughts and feelings. I wish I could write a whole post or a whole letter or a whole story or a whole life about these things but I feel that I cannot until … Hmm, until when? Until the world spins on its axis a few more times? Until I’m going under and have nothing to lose by speaking? Until the price of silence outweighs that of speaking? Until I feel like it. I’ll decide.
  • am actually not all that incredible. I mean, sure I feel happy, but it’s more a contended kind of happy than an ecstatic one. It’s very laid-back and casual, like a lovely jumper that’s fraying at the collar but means too much to me and is too beautiful to discard. Me is nothing to shout about, but it’s mine and that makes all the difference.

So why the heck can’t they just let me be? Me!

16 thoughts on “Hot Topic

  1. I guess the biggest mystery for me is where you were born. But you don’t have to tell me that. It’s just to let you know how my mind works I guess. I’m just a curious guy. πŸ™‚

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