People talk about drama and crisis but …
Wha? Wait. Hol’ up; people talk about wha? Me ain’ never heard no-one speaking of dem tings. Them does speak about all kinda ting, but drama and crisis? Heck, no!
Okay, maybe I should rephrase. Newspapers print stories that contain a lot of drama and crisis. How’s that for you?
Well, yes. Yes, I suppose dem does do dat. I does read about plenty crisis in de newspaper about de events in de middle east and about de pandemic an all of dat. So, yes. And I suppose dem does do make a drama out of all a dat so that dem can make dem little money ‘n’ ting.
Well, I’m glad you agree. May I go on?
You surely should for it is getting rather late in de day for me and I must go to bed soon. Early to bed and early to rise and all a dat, y’know?
Well, get on den.
Ahem. Newspapers print stories that contain a lot of drama and crisis but, to be honest …
You’re telling me dat you is honest?
Well, not exactly.
But I done hear it from your own sweet lips. To be honest, you said. Does that mean that you is lying all de other time you is speaking?
Well, that’s rather a pedantic way of …
Oh, I is pedantic now is I? Well, tell me something – was you just now being honest when you did call me pedantic or was you just being a cold and cheeky liar to me face!
Oh, for goodness sake, it was just a figure of speech!
Well, so I is a badness now! As well as being pedantic and troublesome …
Ah, wait – I never said that you were troublesome.
I does see it on your face. The way you is twisting it up and is going a kind of puce colour is telling me all that I does need to know. Methink you is perhaps have a devil inside you and it is eating its way out like de alien in dat alien movie what was called … de name is eluding me right now but I is sure that it has an alien ting in it.
Yes, dat is what I say – an alien.
No, the movie is called Alien. The main actor was Sigourney Weaver.
Yes, well, okay. Tanks for helping me out dere, man. I was struggling a little and I don’t mind admitting dat you did save my bacon dere.
Anyway, what was dat you was saying before de alien started to eat out of you face?
Oh, I’m sure it doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things.
No, no – if you was telling it to me then I’m sure it was impotent. Say, say.
I was saying that all the drama and crisis in the news is a bit of a non-event.
And dat is it?
Well … erm … yes.
Well, for goodness sake, man, why didn’t you just say dat den!