In the Dog House

Quick story: me and the hubby, Sid went for a walk on the Tottenham Court Road. About half way down we came across a bloke sitting on the pavement. It was a fine, Summer day and the sun was out, even though it was late evening.

At first, I thought that Sid was joking when he said that we should adopt this bloke, but then he crouched down in that flexible way he has and says to him that we was going to take him home and make him part of our small, but perfectly formed family.

Well, by this time I could tell that this bloke on the pavement, who was by now looking up at Sid with an astonished tone to his eyes, reeked to buggery. I certainly didn’t didn’t fancy him being in our clean, little house, not for all the patchouli oil in the world.

It was as if Sid’d read my mind. As soon as I’d thought that he turned his head, looked at me with a grin on his face and said that we could put him in the dog kennel.

Now we’d just had a death, so to speak, in the family. Our lovely St. Bernard: Bernie (yeah, I know; not very original, right?) had just passed away from an obstruction in his bowel. We didn’t get it diagnosed until it was too late and by that time he’d… anyway, that a whole ‘nother story. Point is, his kennel was free.

I know what you’re thinking now: what kind of heartless people would house a bloke in a dog kennel! Well, hear me out first and then you can judge. It’s not so much a kennel as a heated, plumbed and padded annex to the house. It’s even got a kitchen and bathroom in there, one part for cooking Bernie’s food and the other for Bernie to use when the weather was cold or when neither of us was otherwise available to take him out, if you know what I mean.

Again, I know what you’re thinking so let me lay your mind to rest: when I say toilet, I mean a tiled, flat area in corner where Bernie did his pee-pee and poo-poo. We even taught him to press his paw down on the tap that released water to sluice his mess away. Heck, that dog was so smart that sometimes he would press the flush twice if there was any residue remaining!

In fact, as a complete aside, I suspect that this is why we didn’t know Bernie had a bowel problem. There was a long spell last winter, just before he passed away, when we just fed him and then let him get on with his business in private. Obviously he just wasn’t doing that and so … you know.

Hey, it was an honest mistake that anyone could make!

So, yeah, back to the homeless guy.

Picture this, we’re both looking at him expectantly after offering him a home in our luxury dog kennel and, you know what? The fool just shook his head and then proceeded to ignore us. What was worse is that he put this weird expression on this face as if he was disgusted with us or somethingI mean, what a cheek! Him there, on the street, smelling like a skunk and acting like he was disgusted with us?!

Anyway, we left him there and strolled on to the Odeon to see Top Gun: Maverick, which was a fabulous movie. I recommend that you go and see it too.

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