This stuff is about me too:
It’s easy enough to realise that love’s the key to everything; all you need is a few decades of self-reflection and some lucky breaks with your reading material, but it’s more challenging to do something about it. Like, now that I know that I need love in my life, what am I going to do about that?
Let me set one thing straight: I’m not looking for love. I’m not sitting here wishing people would love me more. No. I have plenty of people in my life who are willing and able to love me. What I’m saying here is that I need to love more. Means that I want to know how to open myself up to loving … the world more.
By ‘the world’ I mean everyone and everything. Means that I need to … Well, it means that I want to open myself up to the possibility of being hurt. Love equates to pain for me. Yeah, I know that sounds twisted. And I’m not saying that love = pain is true for everyone. Just for me.
When I think about it (yeah, it’s a nasty habit, I know) it might have been Buddhism that screwed me over.
When I was a teenager I fell in love. Then she left me. Then I cried. Then I stopped crying. Then I read that Buddha said that the world is full of sorrow because we desire stuff and we can’t have that stuff and when we lose that stuff we cry. So I stopped wanting stuff. I stopped wanting people. I stopped loving stuff and people. And I didn’t cry again. (Apart from, you know, during slushy movies. In the dark.)
Sound trite when you say it quick, but that’s how my heart got hardened.
Where is the soft, gooey heart of my heart?
How do I love?
Robert C Day 