Objects of Affection

To love and to fear to lose is not to love at all.
Abandon yourself in love.
Fall to your knees.
Lose love,
And you will gain.
You will fill yourself up.
You will harmonise with the universe.

What the heck?

Sometimes (most of the time) I have no idea where I’m going with my words. In fact, they’re not even my words because they just flow into sight like a boat on a river of emptiness. My mind, in fact, is an empty mess. No, wait. It’s a full mess. The message is that if my mind is empty then it’s beautiful but if words appear in it then that’s when it becomes a mess.

Really, I should question this stuff (my preconceptions) more closely.

I’ve filled my mind with all sorts of Buddhist concepts that have had the effect of smoothing the wall of my mind over as if it’s a beautifully plastered wall, all flat and white. It’s not even an interestingly flat wall; the kind where if you stare at it for a while and shapes appear like elephants and heads of famous people in clouds. It’s just flat. When I try to defocus my mind and let a shape appear I hardly ever get anything. There was this one time at my nannan’s that I saw concentric, luminous, green rings growing over and over in my mind like smoke rings, but I doubt that that would be interesting to anyone. Certainly, my nannan wasn’t overly impressed and she loved me, so what hope do I have with anyone else.

Hmm. I wonder what she would make of my blog.

Where is my nannan?


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