Shaving (Useful Gubbins #01)

Here’s a new series of gubbins (noun INFORMAL BRITISH: miscellaneous items; paraphernalia) that’ll help and inspire you to be a better person.

Item #01 is a gubbin (synonym for thing) that’s done by us all at least once (even if it’s just so that we can say yeah, I tried that once and it hurt like pain and so I vowed never to do it again): shaving.

Shaving is not just a thing men do. Most everyone has hair (and yeah, I know that there’s something called alopecia universalis (that Duncan Goodhew (British swimmer) got when he fell out of a tree when he was 15) that involves permanent hair loss, but that, as far as I can work out, is pretty rare (and Duncan would have surely had to shave before then anyway, right?). And so my point stands. Even if you’re a female, you’re likely to have hair and, more to the point, unwanted hair that you’ve probably had a go at shaving off.

Shaving is not the only thing that can remove hair. But it’s arguably the cheapest and simplest and as such is the one that you’re going to try first. Unless, of course, you’re thinking about nostril hair, in which case: stop now. No one wants to know about nostril hair. Trust me, I’ve tried posting articles about it on this blog and no one wanted to read them.

So, yeah, here’s my intelligent person’s guide to shaving:

  1. Buy the most expensive, new razor possible. If you can’t afford to do so then go without food for a couple of days so that you can save up. Don’t be tempted to borrow your dad’s, mum’s, brother’s, sister’s or anyone else’s razor; you never know how old or how blunt it is.
  2. Get some hot water. No, not boiling water. That’s different.
  3. Make a soapy lather with hot water. Normal soap will do. Unless, of course, you’re allergic to soap. Don’t laugh; it can happen!
  4. Spread the lather on the area of the skin where you have hair.
  5. Put the razor briefly in the hot water or run it under the hot water tap.
  6. Shave.
  7. Rinse all the lather and, if necessary, blood off of your skin.
  8. Pat your skin dry with a nice, fluffy towel.

You know, when I think about it, no one ever told me how to shave so I may have got this all wrong. What I do know, though, is that, when I miss any of these steps out, I don’t get a close shave or I get an unpleasant rash on my skin. So, yeah, take it or leave it, but it works for me.

You’re welcome.

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