Proximity

Watching a movie called Proximity in which one of the characters started to make a video blog at the suggestion of his therapist.

When he started, it turns out that it wasn’t making it for people, but for dead people. He started to talk to his mom and dad.

What I want to do instead of that is to send messages to aliens that are reading this blog.

Hey, aliens; this is for you:

My name is Robert and I live on a planet that we call Earth, which is weird because most of the surface is water. If you visit then look for a blue-green planet. I’ll be the one wearing a red, white and blue striped t-shirt waving to you. I’m sure you can pick up detail like that if you can read this message from a gazillion-gazillion miles away.

You should only come if you’re feeling particularly peaceful. The people around here don’t like warlike invasions so don’t make any sudden movements (other than waving back to me). We’ve been trained by an elite, privately-funded entity called Hollywood to respond to any military-like sudden movement with force.

The best thing you can do, when you visit is give us all your technology free of charge so that you engender trust and, as an added bonus, give us the means to save our planet from certain doom. We’ve been using our resources faster than we can hope to replenish them and so we’re in a bit of a pickle. But, like I say, your tech can save us the bother of becoming better beings so. please donate generously.

Personally, I make a really nice cup of tea and so please feel free to stop by for a chit-chat. I have some biscuits but if you’d like something a bit better than ginger nuts then please call in at Marks & Spencer on the way in a pick up a couple (one for the day and one for later) of packets of Extremely Chocolately Milk Chocolate Rounds. They are yummy! I’ve put a picture of the packet below so that you’ll be able to identify them easily.

Well, that’s about it for now. Do leave a note in the comments letting me know when you’re coming so that I can get the kettle on. I do hope you’re okay with vegan milk because that’s all we have. Don’t worry, it tastes great.

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