A few days ago I wrote a post called Ah Low Yew, and no-one understood it. Now, in an unprecedented move in the poetical prose world, I’m going to explain what it means. Yeah, I know – wild, yes?
First of all, I’ll re-post the piece here (in a slightly different form) so that i can unpack it for you:
- Seven sentences to say what I mean when one would do.
- Six places to place those pretty words.
- Five locations leaning towards verbosity.
- Four stacks of snacks that mean I’m eating my words out.
- Three syllables said so seldom but say so much.
- Two words leaves me one short.
- Only one left so let’s make it count (and rhyme) now: 512.
Okay, so I’ve numbered the sentences one to seven just so that you can see that the first sentence is true (I would have numbered them seven to one, but WordPress doesn’t do that (yet)). So anyway, I tell you that I’m going to take seven sentences, but that I could have accomplished the task in one. So why didn’t I use one? Heck if I know! Perhaps I just wanted to be different. Perhaps I wanted to introduce some tension?
In sentence two I reveal to you that my message is a pretty one in that it uses words that people find attractive. So you know it’s a good message to hear. And I say that I have six places left in which to place my message. I had seven but I squandered one and now I’ve squandered another so I’m also saying that I’m a wastrel or a procrastinator. On another note, by prefixing (prefacing?) each sentence with a number I’m being… hmm, not quite poetic, but something like that. Actually it’s not poetry at all, it’s just structure, and (as you probably know) not all poems have that.
Third sentence and I introduce verbosity, which is a word that indicates the quality of gabbing and blabbing at length. In effect, I have just stated one of my intentions: I’m going to use an immoderate amount of words in the remaining five sentences. With me so far? I thought so. It occurs to me that you understood everything I’ve explained to you so far already and that it’s just the title and the last sentence that you don’t get. Well, patience, my friend – you don’t get cake without waiting for the oven to finish. Unless, of course, you go to the shops. But don’t do that – apparently there’s a plague out there – eek!
The fourth sentence is interesting because it introduces the phrase ‘eating my words out’. This is both a clue to the ultimate message of this piece and, cleverly, an assertion that I am using my words up (I’m eating them (up) and so they are lessening in quantity. The aforementioned clue is that ‘eating my words out’ is similar to the common phrase ‘eating your heart out’. A heart is not just a muscle that pumps blood but it is also said to be the home of emotion (and one emotion in particular). Getting my drift now? Oh, and the four stacks of snacks are the four collections of words (commonly called sentences) that remain for me to eat (including the current one).
The three syllables that I refer to in the fifth sentence are a futher clue to the ultimate message I’m conveying here. This message has three syllables and it is, in my opinion, not expressed as often as it should be. And yet it can say and mean so much to the person it is expressed to, not to mention the person who says it! Put this together with the oblique reference to the muscular pump in the last sentence and surely you’ve got it, by Jove!
The penultimate sentence gives a further clue to the message. Not just three syllables but three (two leaves me one short? (2+1=3?)) words. Three (little (they each have one syllable) words. C’mon!
The last sentence says (well, duh!) that I only have one sentence left to say my piece (so I’d best make it count (and for counting you need what? Well I’ll come to that in a bit)). Even though I don’t have much time (or words) left I’m not going to give my message (or heart) away so easily. So I give you one last puzzle. And it’s (as I said a moment ago) a number puzzle. And, to give you yet another clue, it rhymes! So, the number rhymes (almost (it’s the closest I couldn’t get)) with the message! The numbers are 512 and they rhyme with (and have the same cadence as (and the same sentence structure as) three little words relating to the heart. And if that wasn’t enough for you (clue-w]se) then look at the title of this piece: Ah Low Yew. Say it slowly. Slur it a little. Take liberties with it. Play with it as if you were drunk whilst saying it (as many people often are) and you get there. But if you still need yet another clue, look in the tags for the original post (you’ll have to click on the link at the top of this piece). It’s spelled out there clearly and distinctly.
What! You still don’t get it? The message is that I LOvE yoU, you idiot!!