Hit Me Baby One More Time

He gave his scalp the kind of good, two-handed scratching that mussed all of his hair up, right from the back of his head up to the top of his forehead and then back around over both of his ears taking in everything in between. It didn’t help. He was still as discombobulated as ever, so he flattened his hair down again and sighed.

“Why did I have to eat so much gosh-darned chocolate!”

The heatwave in York made him feel as if he was sitting inside a giant air fryer.

“Pathetic. That’s what you are: pathetic.”

He considered emptying his stomach but dismissed the gesture as futile. The chocolate binge was yesterday’s news. Today was after-effects day. Today was a day for feeling … what! Amorphously uncomfortable? Unpromisingly despondent? Gratuitously demotivated?

“Well, there’s no help for it. What’s done is done. I might as well make the most of a spoilt day and enjoy it as best I can.”

He got up, walked over to the cupboard and took out the family-sized bar of M&S Swiss Chocolate (Extra Fine Milk), popped it in the freezer and leaned against the kitchen counter to wait the seven and a half minutes it would take for the chocolate the reach the correct consistency.

At least he had that much restraint.


“To offer inappropriate disclosure concerning one’s personal life to others.” (Wiktionary)

“Experts say that oversharing is fuelled by our insecurities, the need to compensate for deficits, socially or professionally that we perceive in ourselves.” (another blog)

“If you share your mistakes in an effort to help others learn, you are being authentic. If, however, you share your hardships to gain pity, you’re oversharing.” (Forbes)

Guys – you need to stop peeing like a man and do it like a woman.  I have – and it’s doing wonders for my thighs, not to mention eliminating foul-smelling urine splash-back.

Have you seen those music videos where artists such as Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera and Beyoncé do a so called slutdrop? Well, how do you think they tone and train their muscles to be able to do that? Yep – you guessed it – they squat over the john as they pee!

So there you go – follow me to rock hard leg muscles: do it like a woman!