It strikes me that I don’t so much want to write as to get my thoughts down in writing and share them with the world. Do you want to do that too? Are we in the same boat?
Or perhaps I don’t even want to extend my reach to the whole world. Possibly I just want to find people who are interested in me. But then, when I do, that kind of gets me into trouble. I’m already in a committed relationship and I don’t need another one. I confuse talking with intimacy. I confuse people on the other side of the internet with friends. I confuse friendliness with something deeper. In short, I’m kind of screwed.
It crosses my mind that I might not be able to interact with real (in the flesh) people and so I talk to strangers instead. But that’s not true. I interact with real people very easily when I want to. But they’re a bit too close. I think that perhaps I need the protection of a few thousand miles. I need distance for closeness to work.
Why am I saying this? I really have no idea. I’m writing this to several people at once (I know who they are in my head) and I’m talking to you (yes, you) but I’m also talking to myself too.
I’m also listening to Dummy, which is an album by Portishead. You should give it a listen.
And that (this) is how not to end a post.
I just watched this Ted Talk called Start With Why by Simon Sinek: https://www.ted.com/talks/simon_sinek_how_great_leaders_inspire_action
This is what I got from it:
Start any communication with why you do things. Before you try to do anything, figure out why you’re going to do it and tell people about that first.
People will believe in what you believe in. People don’t buy what you do, they buy why you do it.
Talk about what you believe. You will attract people that believe the same thing. These are your early adopters. They want to be first. They will inspire the rest of the people; the majority.
E.g. – trying to sell TiVo:
- “We have a machine that lets you pause live TV, rewind, record what you want when you want to.” = failure (if you start with the what they don’t believe you)
- “Are you the kind of person who wants to control every aspect of your life? Then we have a product for you – it lets you pause live TV, rewind, record what you want when you want to.” = success (when you start with the why, then people who believe what you believe will be attracted)
If you tell people what you do, you will not inspire them but if you tell them why you do what you do then you will inspire them to follow you.
I suppose they have to believe the same thing as you first, though.
I wish I could speak Bee,
Because he’s speaking to me
But then he’s falling on his back,
His leg-sacs are full of pollen,
He wants to show us the source,
With a dance,
But there’s only me watching,
He went through her site and Liked every single one of her posts simply because he liked all of them. Her creativity and enquiring nature fascinated him and he wanted to know that he liked her, even if she thought he was disgusting. He then watched as she deleted all his comments.
He thought of what had gone wrong and decided that there were some things they would never understand and that there were other things they would never admit. It didn’t matter. Communication had ceased, so they were both freed from any necessity to explain or understand.
He went inside himself and contacted the deep well of silence at the foundation of his being and using this he went up to the truth of all existence and through these connections he gave light and peace into her life and heart. She would feel it and be benefitted on some level.
Then he went out and bought a big bar of chocolate – his only addiction. As he walked back to the office he wondered about her addictions and hoped that they were no more destructive than his.
And then he wrote this.
Seems to me that it’s not what you say, or even the way that you say it that gets results, it’s the way that you make people feel after you’ve said it.
Many people think the key to success in interpersonal communication is to say informative things in an interesting or entertaining way. But it seems that there’s more to it than that.
You can tell your audience (or family, or friends) the most fascinating things in the world, but that don’t mean a damn to them if you don’t make them feel good in the process.
Tell them the moon is made of blue cheese, and prove it with endless formulae, unimpeachable experimental data but chances are they might only remember you until the next big thing comes along.
However – make them feel like dancing all night from the free samples of blue cheese flavoured emotions, or have them singing your praises at the top of their lungs by virtue of your full-moon silvered feelings and you will light up their hearts and be remembered until … well, maybe until mid next week!
What more could you want than that? 🙂
Oh. You want to know how to do that? Ah, okay. Then just let me read some more of this here book (It’s Not What You Say, It’s the Way You Say It! – Michael Parker) and as soon as I’ve got to that part, I’ll let you know more.
In the middle of writing this, I went on a call with my team. Part of that involved all team members introducing themselves to the rest of us. By the time I had finished talking about myself, several of the team members were laughing. I regarded this as a success because they ended up feeling happy. Maybe they’ll remember me fondly for that. Let’s see.