Breaking News

In an unprecedented move today, Robert puts away his phone and engages with the real world.

Yes, in breaking news this morning, Robert actually puts his communication device in his pocket and looks at the sun’s rays breaking through the clouds at the start of a glorious day.

Rumours that his battery is almost dead and he has to get a trot on to attend a(nother) Zoom call are just vile.

This is Robert in York (England) signing off for now.

The Only Tip You’ll Ever Need to Increase Your WordPress Traffic

Follow this one, simple tip to increase traffic one-hundred fold (and more) on your WordPress blog:

  1. Visit 100 blogs per day for 7 days (use the WordPress Reader) and click on the Like button on the two most recent articles on each blog.

What will happen is that the suckers on those sites will see your posts, wonder who you are, follow you back to your site and drop Like after Like after Like on your most recent articles. They might even Comment on them and then Follow you if they dig what they read.

Of course, you’ll have to write some interesting and informative articles for this to happen, but that doesn’t take much doing, right?

And yes *sigh* I’m being cynical. What gave me away?

Remembered Something Important

I just remembered (on reading the first page of The Guest Cat by Takashi Hiraide) one of the original aims I had when I began to write. I had decided, in my naïveté, that it would be good and interesting to take someone’s ‘bad’ writing and turn it into a piece of work that would be polished and wonderful. And all this by virtue of my sparklingly creative writing ability.

How ironic that now seems. The most difficult task I now face is editing my own ‘bad’ writing in an attempt to turn it into something wonderful and sparkly.

Still, it’s interesting to note where my intentions lay.

How to Have a Great Day

Here’s how to have a really great day:

  • Do things that both you and the people around you enjoy
  • Make sure that what you do is useful (or beautiful)
  • Don’t disagree with anything that anyone says
  • Clean the bath or shower after you use it
  • Try not to talk much about yourself
  • Don’t fart in front of anyone
  • Cuddle your teddy-bear
  • Eat something nice
  • Say thank you
  • Smile a lot
  • Be nice
  • 🙂

 

Overheard Conversations #03

I was walking through the park the other day and there was this girl laid out on the ground before me (one of many – it was a nice, sunny day) and she was twirling her curly hair around her fingers. She was holding a book to her chest and she appeared to be thinking very deeply about something.

I looked back at her as I passed (just to look at the cover of the book m’lud – I swear) and read the title of the tome she was holding beneath her face (which, you remember, was deep in thought) and it was …

Stop Thinking Start Living

Such beautiful irony. And yes – I know this wasn’t really an overheard conversation; but still – information (of a sort) was exchanged.

A Racist Planet

We’re a racist bunch – granted.

But look on the bright side – at least we can look forward to aliens from other worlds arriving. Then the whole human race can come together to find bad words for them.

What a glorious vision – finally we’ll be united in our Xenophobia!

German Green Retreat

Ironically, it took four bus rides, three flights, two train journeys and a car to get from the UK to the venue of this Green Retreat in Germany. Not such a good start considering the theme of saving the planet from carbon emissions.

Still, it was worth it for me, if not for the planet. Situated right in the middle of Germany, and smack bang in the centre of the greenest, quietest countryside you can imagine, the setting was perfect.

I’ll not tell you about the people because to say anything at all would be like telling Mum on your brother for giving you jam. Suffice to say – they were there. About 17 of them.

I’ll tell you a little about the food. Imagine a German chef meets an Indian cook on a TV show that pits the two of them against each other. Yeah, you get the idea.

I’ll leave the content of the retreat to one side. If you’ve ever read anything at all about Green Issues then you’ll know what was included. No surprises here.

I’ll share with you how my nights went so that you’ll understand the real value of coming to a place like this in the middle of nowhere. I slept from the moment I lay down. Word.

I’ll walk you through a typical walk through the countryside around there. Sun, shade, animals, birds, trees, earth, crops, high-chairs*, paths, forests, logs and peace.

I’ll leave you with this one picture so that you can meditate on how beautiful the world can be if people don’t get in the way too much. And even here you can see the scars.

Green Retreat


(*I have no idea, so don’t even bother asking. Bird watching hides? Who knows! Not I.)

 

Mercy On Me

I can play guitar and I’m a whiz with computer programmes. I can walk and walk and not drop. If you were to teach me pretty much anything, I can learn it in a snap.

What I’m trying to say is that I’m reasonably smart. Certainly bright enough to tell the difference between my arse and my elbow. But still – there’s one thing I can’t understand. One thing that’s totally beyond my ability. One thing I can’t get my head around.

Know what that is? C’mon – have a guess. It’s something that’s pretty much everywhere in this world. You see them all over the shop. No way to escape them, even if you hiked up to the top of the highest peaks.

Got it?

Okay – I’ll tell you. It’s women.

I mean, what is it about these creatures that makes them so wonderful and yet so maddeningly frustrating at the same time?

Just when I think I’m winning on any particular day … I don’t know – everything seems to flip upside-down and the roof falls, plop, on my head. From a great height. Hard!

I’m totally baffled as to what to do on an hourly basis. Help!

So, if you know where there’s a User Manual for Women – have mercy on me – please let me have a copy! It’d sure be worth a pretty penny to me.

Any advice you can give would also be most welcome.

Things To Change

Here are some things (according to an authoritative source) that I need to change, or work on, within myself:

  • Don’t badmouth others (friends and family in particular)
  • Take responsibility for your own feelings
  • Appreciate and acknowledge the things that other people do
  • Do things that need doing when they need doing
  • Smile more
  • Stop complaining.

The original heading of this piece was ‘Complaints About Robert’, but in view of the last item on the list, I changed it. It would have just been too ironic otherwise.