Overheard Conversations #08

“I’m fed up of waiting for you! I’m not going to wait anymore. I’m just going to wait here by the back door until you come.”

Who said that? Unfortunately, it was me. And guess what! Yeah, I’m still waiting by the back door. Sigh.


Personal Growth

I like to write pieces about how I have grown and gained in knowledge and (dare I say it at such a tender age) wisdom.

It strikes me than one possible way I can grow is to stop writing these self-agrandising pieces and just acknowledge that I am as ordinary and flawed as the next man. I say man because, as we all know, women are the very epitome of perfection. Or so my wife would lead me to believe. But that’s a topic for another day.

What I want to get into the habit of is going beyond all the petty concerns of my (haha) ego.

At the moment I obsess about how my body is doing (all those push-ups and sit-ups have to be worth something), how creative I am (honestly), where I am compared to my fellow man (not woman, you’ll note) and how prepared I am for the coming robocalypse. And it’s not doing me a jot of good.

You see, everything is falling apart.

The looks I once imagined I had are crumbling apace. My body grows incrementally weaker by the hour. My hairline is creeping backwards. My mind forgets words. My will to engage weakens. Everything I was once proud of is slowly but steadily slipping away.

So here’s my latest goal in life: not to give a trot about all that stuff anymore.

Instead I’m going to focus on:

  • being a nice, kinder person that helps other people,
  • doing things for the joy of doing them (rather than for what I can get out of them) and
  • preparing for death calmly and peacefully (albeit hoping that it will occur later rather than sooner).

Wish me luck.

I’m Taking a Guru

I’m taking a Guru,
And here’s the thing – it’s You.

Someone I like as a guru sounds comfortable and doable.
Someone I dislike as a guru sounds disturbing but workable.
Everyone as a guru sounds absolutely bizarre and yet wonderful!

So be true.
All you.

Karma Store

You ever wondered where Karma is stored? Well I’m going to tell you. Just give me a second while I get the drum-roll ready.

While you’re waiting, let me fill you in on what I understand (so far). Karma is about intentions. When you have the intention to be nice to kittens, then you will set up a nice, glowing place inside your heart about kittens and so the next time you see one you will feel well disposed towards it.

The more things and people you are kind to, the more your heart will become glowing and warm.

If you are nice to everyone and everything then you’ll come to the point where those feelings in your heart overflow into your life and your total experience will be warm and glowing.

This, as I’m sure you’ll appreciate, is enough reward all by itself. Why would you need anything else but a life full of warm and glow!

Let’s just clear up a common misunderstanding at this point. If you are nice to kittens in this life it does not mean that, in your next birth, kittens will set up a kingdom in your name and ensure that you are cared for yada, yada, yada. Nor does it mean that people will be any nicer to you if you are nice to them. If they are – it’s a coincidence.

No. The entire effect of karma is centred on the changes it makes in your own mind, heart and life.

Good news, right?

This means that you can work out your entire salvation with diligence and can enjoy nice cups of tea in the peace of your own home without being bothered by any of those pesky social workers who keep banging on your door demanding to know why your house smells of cat-pee and …

But I digress.

Your karma is stored in an old (but good) biscuit tin under my bed.

Don’t worry – it’s safe.

Idris Elba

Started whole
Good strong
Blood spilled.

Chased me
West Street
Snig Hill.

Drove me

Red around
Severed limbs
Gore scene.

Final stand
Belly crawl
Cutting wild.

Alarm call
Idris gone
Eyes untied.

Funnily enough
We were both
On the phone.

Just Sugar


Just had a weekend that felt like it was the end of the world.

Here’s what I did:

  • Spoke to no-one
  • Drove no-one nowhere
  • Ate from no-one
  • Visited no-one
  • Went to bed early.

Yeah, it was as bad as that!

And you know what it was?

You know what made me go to these wild extremes?

You know what pushed me into this heinous anti-socialness?

Yup – it was sugar.

Only remembered this morning that a week ago, when I was on holiday, I had sugar.