Isn’t it odd how there’s so much movement in the world! All that swaying of trees and dropping of rain and stuff like that.

The world must be very strange from the point of view of a rock. I mean, rocks have been around for a long time, right? Rocks are the original inhabitants of this world. So why shouldn’t we take their feelings into account? Rocks are important.

Some people call these things ‘waste thoughts’ and they say that we should work to get rid of them. Give them to God. Wash our hands of the whole kaboodle. But I’ve just realised that they are the stuff that stories are made of. And why should I throw away my stories?

Do, yeah – once upon a time a rock looked up and saw something moving and …

Fasting Between Breakfast and Lunch

I set out to break the habit of snacking between breakfast and lunch yesterday. If you’re interested, I wrote about it in this post: How I’m Not Eating (Until Lunch).

Here’s how I’m getting on today:

  • 10.37hr – first desire to eat something hit me at the time as I was taking a break to read a bit of my book. I felt my belly (with my fingers) and it was soft on the surface. I checked how my tummy felt on the inside and I could still feel my breakfast in there (and no, I didn’t put my hand down my throat to do this (and no knives were involved either)). I checked how my mouth felt (my tongue did this, in case you’re wondering) and it was sweet – a combination of peanut butter on toast and that new toothpaste I got, that tastes of … something sweet. I remembered then that I’m in the process of eliminating morning snacks and I came up with the idea of writing a post about it and so I came here and started to write this. More updates to follow.
  • 11.00hr – thought to myself that a bag of crisps would take that sweet taste out of my mouth very nicely. Reflected on how clever my mind is and what kinds of tricks it tries in its attempts to get me to eat. Didn’t eat. Less than two hours to go until lunch.
  • 11.14hr – made the mistake of going in the kitchen. Turned out it wasn’t a mistake at all because nothing really pulled me. Didn’t fancy the fruit in the bowl and had already recognised the crisps on the top of the cupboard as the dead end that they were (just a thing to get the sweet taste out of my mouth). One hundred and four minutes until lunch. That’s not long. Not really.
  • 11.30hr – out of no-where, a desire to eat comes. It’s definitely tied in with this sweet taste in my mouth. Maybe I should have some salt. Or maybe a nice cup of Marmite (other brands are available) in hot water. Or maybe I should just ignore it. I do actually feel a little hollow in my belly at the moment (the beginning of a hunger pang?) but it doesn’t show in the outside. More convex than concave on the outside.
  • 11.52hr – wondered briefly how my hunger was going on but realised that I was far too busy to bother about that right now. So I didn’t. Realised that music kind of helps too. I’m listening to Kaleidoscope World – an album by an Australian (I think) band called The Chills. I was looking for chilled music on Amazon Prime and spotted this album from way, way back instead. The feel is like a jolly Velvet Underground. It’s nice.
  • 12.22hr – on a call at work and hitting a boring spell and so thought of food. Not really hungry though. Just bored. Weird how food can become an antidote to boredom. Less than an hour to lunch – wheee!
  • 12:32hr – continually checking the clock now as it counts down to lunchtime. Not really wanting to snack (because lunch is so close) but just actively wanting lunch to come around quickly so that I can have a proper meal. That sweet taste has finally faded from my mouth.
  • 13:14hr – just been chatting to a neighbour and in the process I forgot all about food. I’m blooming hungry now that I’ve come back in the house! Food, food, food!

So there you are – lessons to be learnt. How are you getting on with your appetites?

How I’m Not Eating (Until Lunch)

I once saved someone’s life.

Nothing spectacular. She’d decided (my interpretation) she didn’t like the shape of her developing body (aka she didn’t like having a more fully-formed derriere) and so she wasn’t eating and so a whole raft of symptoms formed around that (I’ll spare you the details and the doctors were mystified and her parents were worried and she just said that she didn’t feel hungry and so why should she eat.

I was doing this Psychology course at the time that had just taught me that appetite is just a habit. If you eat at 12 then an alarm in your brain pings at that time each day and tells you that you usually eat then and so you should eat. And so you do. Thing is, if you stop eating at 12 for a few days then the alarm turns itself off. And so you don’t feel hungry and you don’t eat.

So I told her this and she ate and she was okay. Simple as.

The other thing though is that she was (and probable still is) a very fanciable piece of real-estate; even with her new shape. I went to visit her pretty often and when I went, she used to dress up and make herself look nice and I took her flowers and, well, I generally just fancied her with an I really fancy you expression on my face. I mean, she was lovely to be honest. Great personality and interesting to talk to. And did I mention that she was totally fanciable?

Anyways, she got over her mysterious illness and all was well.

So what’s this got to do with me not eating until lunch, I hear you ask. Well, here’s the thing: I just got into the habit of having a snack in the morning. Not that I need it (I don’t) or that I’m bored (I’m not) or that I have nothing better to do (I work from home these days and there’s loads to keep me occupied). It’s just that I got into the habit of feeling the need for a little something around about then (now, as I write this). It’s not really a tummy-rumbling kind of hunger, but it’s a kind of hunger all the same. Anyway, today is the day that this particular hunger is going to stop.

I’m changing my habit of getting a bag of crisps, or a (big) spoonful of peanut butter or a piece of toast with jam on or a pile of nuts and dates or a(nother) cup of tea or any of those things and I’m doing it now.

While the change embeds itself (I should be done by the end of the week, right?) I’m distracting myself. As well as working, I’m listening to Chill Generation (a Playlist on Amazon Prime), I’m reading a few pages of this really good book (not too many pages because I’m allowed to take breaks, but not massive ones) every now and again, I’m writing this (I know it’s taking a while, but it’s an investment) and, most of all, I’m keeping an eye on myself. I’m watching how my mind feels, how my body feels, how my spirit goes up (or down) and how my hunger pangs are waxing and waning like the moon (except a bit quicker).

It’s sixteen minutes past twelve and I eat lunch at one. Forty-four minutes to go. I can do this. And I will. And my body will thank me when I’ve done it. A little less of a bump out front is a good thing, yes?

And that’s that.

So, how’s life going for you in these strange, strange days? Feeling the strain and smiling through the pain? Loving the change but aching for it to be over?

Yeah, me too.


What Do You Know?

I can write. You don’t care about that though. I can talk about myself but you don’t care about me neither. I can tell you things about the world but the world only interests you if it contains you. You’re only interested in you. If this says nothing to you about your life then you have already stopped reading. And if you have then I’m only talking to myself. And if I’m only talking to myself then I might as well forget about you, If I’m talking to myself then I might as well think about what this audience of one wants from me. It’s an easy riddle to solve. I want to hear from me about me.

If you’re anything like me then you can listen too.
If I speak to your heart then what’s good for me is good for you.

I’m listening to Grime. Grime is a kind of rap. I don’t know much about rap really. I only know what I’ve heard of it and what I’ve read. I read that one of the themes of rap is braggadocio, which is to say that rappers brag about aspects of their life. I noticed this before I read it and I wondered why they did this. Now I know that they’re doing this because that’s what it says on the tin. It says ‘brag’ and so they brag. I used to wonder why rappers always seemed to be so angry. Maybe it’s just passion, though. It isn’t the first time I’ve made a mistake about people so who knows.

If you know anything about me then tell me.
If I speak to you about things you know then explain them to me.

My wife just came downstairs and so that’s that about that.

What I know about Ears

When I don’t cut my fingernails I get sore ears. This really only applies to my little fingernails. It’s because I dry my ears after showering by shoving some tissue paper inside them. I use my little fingernails to do this. If the nails are long then they irritate the sensitive skin inside my ears.

When I come back from the beach in Trinidad I get sore ears. This is because the ride home from the beach involves open windows and wet ears. The breeze gets inside my ears and irritates the sensitive skin it finds there. My ears are wet and full of sand from the sea. It’s best for me to dry my ears before leaving the beach.

When I get a runny nose or a sore throat, the best way to get them well is to clean out my ears. Ears, noses and throats are connected. The best way to clean out the wax from my ears is to use that liquid that goes snap, crackle and pop when I put a few drops of it inside my ear canal. Pharmacies sell this.

If you ever come across me on my deathbed and it seems like I am about to breathe my last breath, try washing my ears out and see if I don’t spring back to life with another dozen years on my smiling lips. Before you try this, please trim your fingernails, make sure the windows are closed and, if you can, get some of that snap, crackle and pop liquid ready in case I relapse. Thanks awfully.

Moving Onwars

I want to write but I DOINT; FEEL LIKE IT. I want to sit at thgis cpomuter and just hit the kieya until some3thing luchid comes out. I wntto just keep going until the workds flow efforlessly from my fingertios and and I don;t want to fgo back anxd coerrect snytgunbg aby tall. Therew;s a lkiot to be said foir effirtlessness. Rheres kittle to be daid for correctin all tghe time. Life flows onward and the itme wi have to go back is linited b=y the time we have now. Time goes formward and the the est of us should follow. WE A=siutr nove onward. move onward. Wd should not look back. But if we don;t then what are htesse following behind us to do?

Gratitude Journal

Let’s keep a gratitude Journal. The smiley is for emotional, the flower for physical, the thinking-bubble-thing for mental and the star for spiritual.

Emotional: I’m grateful that I have a beautifully smiling wife to cheer me up if I feel down.

Physical: I’m grateful for my vegan diet because it’s keeping my weight down even though I’m not getting much exercise.

Mental: I’m grateful to God for helping me to keep worry-thoughts in check.

Spiritual: oh, wait – maybe the last one should have been here. Hmm. Okay, another one: I’m grateful for the years and years of meditation I’ve done because it makes it easier now for me to clear my mind enough for God to be able to give me support.

There – that’s my gratitude journal for today. How about you?

I’m Sure

There is a point to it all.

Don’t let anyone or anything tell you anything different.

Fight for the meaning in your life.
Fight for purpose.
Fight for you.

You will win.
We will all win.

I’m sure.