I read books and watch movies and there’s always a thing that’s unknown. Something to solve or figure out or chase or hunt down or get to the bottom of. A mystery. It’s the mystery that gives us something to look forward to. Mysteries keep us turning the pages. A mystery gets us out of bed in the morning.
I don’t have a mystery. Instead, I have a happy life. Quel ennui!
There aren’t any mysteries in my life. I know everything. My life is one of those novels that start happy, go through a middle happy period and then end happily. I wake up in the morning and I think what am I going to do today and then I realise that I’m going to do the same things that I did yesterday. I’m going to do normal, happy, fulfilling things like eat breakfast (anything I want), have a poop (choice of three thrones), go to work (any room so long as it has a table), go for a walk (river, lake, woods or a shady avenue) and I’m going to read a book or watch a movie (so much choice that I won’t finish them all if I live to forever).
The only mysteries I get are from the stories fed to me by other writers.
And yeah, I know, I could write my own mysteries, but what’s the point of that? All I’d be able to write are rehashes of all the plots I’ve absorbed from others. It’s all been done before. Heck, even this post’s probably been written by someone else already. A billion monkeys on a billion typewriters are going to come up with something like this eventually, right?
Actually, I’ve just thought of something! I’ve manufactured my very own mystery story!! For the past four weeks, I’ve been deliberately avoiding news of whether my favourite football team in all the world (Sheffield Wednesday) won or lost their matches to avoid a weekly low (or high). This means that I have a Schrödinger’s cat caught in a box; neither alive nor dead.
In other words, as of an hour ago, my team either finished top of the league and been promoted as champions, has finished second and been promoted anyway, or has finished in the top six and has to go through the play-off (a mini competition at the end of the season to see who takes the third promotion slot).
In other words: I HAVE A MYSTERY!!
The question is: can I stand to solve it?