Losing a child is hell. The ache doesn’t go no matter what you do. The only escape was in sleep. When I could. But when I woke up, she still wasn’t there and the pain would hit like a blunt chisel at my chest.
I was used to her jumping on me to wake me up. Her dad taught her that. Taught her how to sneak and then how to shriek when her little body landed. I used to laugh and moan at the same time. I’d give anything to have that back.
But still, I preferred it when she used to call to me.
I would hear her little mewling voice from the next room and it would pull at threads that had mysteriously become twined through my heart. I would know that she was going to cry, long before the first, hesitant squawks escaped from her tiny mouth. I would just know. It felt like chocolate melting in a pan.
When she began to sicken, I thought it was just a cold. She had a bit of a fever and a sniffy nose, but don’t all kids get that? Just a bug going round, I told myself. Just a something that’ll pass. But a week later she was tossing in the bed like it was burning her skin.
Seven years old and she’d been boiled down to nothing – fried until she was just skin on bone. Couldn’t even raise her own head to take a spoon of soup. Didn’t even know there was a spoon most of the time.
I wished, prayed, that it could have been medicine on that spoon, but we just didn’t have the money. Even if we’d pawned everything we had left, it still wouldn’t have been enough.
The nurse … yeah, a bloody nurse – we couldn’t even get near a doctor. The nurse said we needed the latest antibiotic, the one they developed north of the fence. Said that what she had wasn’t treatable by the old drugs anymore. Even had the cheek to tell us that we were lucky we couldn’t afford to take her into hospital like that. The bugs there would have eaten her alive.
Two days later, she was taken anyway.
That’s when I decided that they wouldn’t get away with it. We’d show them what pain was. We’d teach them about loss.
(this is a prequel to a story I wrote earlier: Let Her Stay (full))
Pingback: Let Her Stay (full) | robertcday
Aw…well-written but sad. π¦
LikeLiked by 2 people
Sounds like the story of my life! Can I put that on the cover of my autobiography? π
LikeLiked by 2 people
I’d be honored!
LikeLiked by 1 person
π
LikeLike
Thanks for writing this, it’s a good lead in to the rest of the story and makes it much more understandable!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thanks for that, Dee – that was partly my aim. The other thing I’m trying to do is make her more likeable and relatable. I want the readers to be firmly on her side. I’m not sure how to make characters likeable. I’ll learn.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think if you really like her it will come through in your writing and the attributes you give her.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh. Okay. Never thought of that. So I guess I have to get her to do things I approve of, otherwise she has no chance of me liking her.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ah yes, makes the rest of the story more understandable. Hope it never comes to this.
LikeLiked by 2 people
The thing is, it already has – for the people in the Middle East. If it happens to us, it’s a tragedy. If it happens to strangers – it’s an item in the newspaper. And then we turn the page.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, it is the reality now for much of the Middle East. I live and grieve for Syria every day and it breaks my heart. I used to live there and our first daughter was born there.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s that kind of personal sadness that I’m trying to tap into here. I don’t have any tragedy on my life *looks around for some wood to touch* and so it’s a bit challenging. It’s like trying to extrapolate the pique I feel when someone says something that annoys me to the pain someone feels at the loss of a loved one. Kinda tricksy.
What’s happing in Syria is … beyond words.
LikeLiked by 1 person
The devastation in Syria is something I have never known, and I lived in Beirut during the Civil War. In my opinion, no one in the world is a stranger to me.
LikeLiked by 1 person
True words spoken well.
I feel like lapsing into poetry now, Peggy.
*girds loins and resists*
LikeLiked by 1 person
SOUNDS SAD,Robert π
LikeLiked by 1 person
It is sad! It’s meant to be sad. It’s meant to convey the impression that Emma is friable, human, sad and (because of that stuff) justified (at least in her own mind) justified in doing what she did. Of course, from the other person’s point of view, nothing justifies bringing sadness to others, not even ones own sadness. Which is why I’m going to rewrite the ending. Hope that makes sense. π
LikeLiked by 2 people
I love the way this story builds like a beautiful composition, an orchestra of words developing enough to tease us at the very end. Health care plays an important part of our lives, so this short piece of what will be a fuller story is enticing.
I can’t wait to read more.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks so much, Emma. π
Actually, the story is already written – there is a link to it at the end, I think? All I did was add this as a prequel, to give a little more clarity and explanation to the main story.
Hope you enjoy it if you decide to read more. π
Kindness – Robert.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh, that makes sense. It’s beautiful! So great that it is complete!!! β€
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well, that’s just the first draft, actually. It’s going to have a more reasonable ending. Sometime before Thu this coming week. π
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh, fantastic!!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
π
LikeLiked by 1 person
I thought to begin with that this was autobiographical. It was so much like the story of how my grandma lost two of her children. It was such a relief to find it was fiction. The sign of good writing.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I have a thing about death at the moment – not sure why. Maybe I’m preparing for the blows to come?
Yes – completely fictional. Trying to find some emotions. Trying to be real. Trying to get this character to be likeable. Any tips would be most appreciated to be honest, Jane.
LikeLike
You already have a head of sympathy worked up for him because he’s lost a child. Make him sensitive, like noticing other children and being good with them, but I’d say give him a less than likeable characteristic too to create a balance or else he’ll be too plaster saint-like and readers won’t believe in him.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good point about giving him (actually, he’s a she) bad points to make her more realistic. Good too about the sensitivity. Good things to work on – thanks so much, Jane. π
LikeLike
I thought your character was a man. There was something very fragile about him/her that I associate more with men than with women. It’s funny but women can be pretty tough when it comes to dealing with tragedy, tougher than men. Something else to think about maybe.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I thought about that for a long moment and then … well, it would necessitate a rewrite too far for the main part of the story. Maybe I could have two characters. Hmm – but the POV is not his in the main part of the story either – it’s more Free Indirect Style – like a close third party.
It’s a good idea … I’ll have another think. Otherwise, she’ll have to be a she, but with more signposts (like ‘mother’).
Fragility and men. You have an interesting perspective on life, Jane.
LikeLike
It’s the way it struck me. Also, because I started off thinking it was autobiographical. My perspective on life is maybe off beat because I’ve been a foreigner looking on for so long.
LikeLiked by 1 person
First person POV does that to you, I guess. π
I have a fascination for the foreigner POV. Have you ever read Shogun by James Clavell? It epitomises the kind of situation I enjoy reading about.
LikeLike
I haven’t though I know of it. I ought to try writing about foreigners. Funny I’ve never done it before.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Let me know when you’ve done that. You’ve got a sale in me. π
LikeLike
I’ll be in touch. Might be a few years.
LikeLiked by 1 person
No rush. π
LikeLiked by 1 person
It was so good it left me in tears. Is your book published? I’m going to buy that if it is. Tell asap.
Clare
xxx
LikeLiked by 1 person
My novels are not published yet. I’m waiting until I get good enough at writing to be able to edit them into shape. Thanks for being kind, Clare – means a lot to me.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Have you sent them yet? I’m sure they are going to get selected. Even I am waiting I have written 9 stories but I have to be true completed none. It’s just I complete nothing whenever a new idea strikes I write a new one and just keep writing and leaving. Clearly don’t know what to do. You really don’t thank people for being kind in UK do you? It’s kinda odd. Thank you btw.
With lots of kindness
Clare xx
LikeLiked by 1 person
I never thought about whether I should or shouldn’t thank people for being kind. I guess I just thank people for going out of their way to do something nice for someone. Hmm. Interesting. Like, I was at this work thing yesterday – there were 80 or so people there and the guy in charge sent out an email to everyone thanking everyone for coming, so I just sent one back to him saying how much I enjoyed it and thanking him for buying everyone pizza. He didn’t have to do that so I just said thanks without thinking about it too much. Not bothered if he replies – it’s just important to me for him to know that his kindness is appreciated. Anyways – that’s just me. π
LikeLiked by 1 person
Britishers are kind I guess. Where I live, people don’t say much Thank you or don’t listen to much Thank you. They think that if we say thanks to someone we’re making fun of them. What a bizarre thought. I say it though as a gesture towards others for being humble. And oh did you said you got pizza?? I love it.
Clare xx
LikeLiked by 1 person
Pizza is the best invention since, like, forever! π They had waaay too many of them so I took a whole one home with me and had it for lunch the next day. Imagine me eating a pizza, potato chips and a big bar of chocolate for lunch. And I’m not even fat! Life is just so good! π
LikeLiked by 1 person
So lucky! ! Even I’m cheating on my diet these days. I’m eating pasta right now it’s 4 here. But you can clearly see it’s effect on my body. You are soooo lucky! !
Clare xx
P. S. Can you please tell me how is this not effecting your body I’ll try it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I walk all the time and everywhere. For example, on Sunday I went for a walk in the countryside and eight miles later I came back home. Plus, I think I’m quite fortunate with my metabolism. To have a good body is not the ultimate aim in life, but obviously it helps if we stay healthy. But I’m talking nonsense now. Of course you already know these basic things.
LikeLiked by 1 person
No you never talk nonsense. I walk too but my friends are such a slow walkers. They stalk literally every guy even my cousin who lives here in India. I don’t wanna lie I do stalk a little but only one guy. So I started cycling. My father says I’m in perfect shape my mother says I have to get in shape. Donno what to do?
Clare xoxo
Aren’t youu sleepy?
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m not sleepy now – it’s tomorrow already! π
In my experience you’re doing what every girl does – freaks guys out by stalking them (they are SO terrified of you inside – you just wouldn’t believe) and wonders if their weight is right!
I’m going to stamp ‘NORMAL’ on your forehead in red ink. It’s all good. π
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good that you aren’t sleepy I was a little bit because I literally didn’t sleep last night. Maybe I just worry a little less. You don’t have to write it. Haha.
Clare xoxo
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oops – I wrote it already. π Hahaha – should I go back and delete it? (sorry – that laughing was a bit loud and forced wasn’t it.)
LikeLiked by 1 person
I checked it after replying this. No you shouldn’t. And no it was nott.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Then we’re still friends? π
LikeLiked by 1 person
There’s no way I’m breaking my friendship we you. Of course we are xxx.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good. π You know – if I ever misjudge my words. Like, if I say the wrong thing – tell me, right? Sometimes I can be a little sarcastic and it can come over strangely. I’m trying to give sarcasm up, but it’s a struggle.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I know your struggle. People misjudge my sarcasm for serious notes. Don’t give it up I like it. And I guess you’ll never say anything wrong. You’re always right.
Clare xx
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hahaha – if I were ‘always right’ then the world would be perfect for me! Thing is, though – there are a lot of people in my life that disagree with that simple statement. π
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well, the world would never be perfect for you. Even if you’re Obama. At some stages people disagree. And I am definitely going through that stage.
Clare xx
LikeLiked by 1 person