How to Want what you Don’t Want

Was just in the library looking for a book called “How to Want to Talk to People you Don’t Want to Talk To”. Surprisingly, it hasn’t been written yet.

There’s lots of advice on the internet on “How to Avoid People You Don’t Want To Talk To”. But articles, websites and erudite papers on the opposite of that just don’t seem to exist.

There are two ways to look at this:

  1. This is a gap in the market and so I should write this book (to critical acclaim and mass-market appeal), or
  2. No-one actually wants to learn the skill of how to talk to people they don’t want to talk to so I should give up.

I suppose that wanting to and not wanting to are viewed as being on different sides of the fence and, consequently, no-one would ever want to jump over that fence.

Is it that you either want to eat chocolate or you don’t? You want to date an attractive dwarf or you don’t? You want to be an exciting stage performer or you don’t?

But why? Can you not be persuaded otherwise? Can you not want to be persuaded otherwise?

They say that variety is the spice of life but they also say that people resist change. I think that change is good and that the best change is difficult change. What could be more difficult than changing my mind about what I desire (or not). But then again, what could be easier!

Changing the world is challenging. Changing other people is virtually impossible. Both of these things are outside our locus of control.

Changing my clothes is easy. Changing what I think about things is eminently possible. Changing what I desire / want is definitely something that is inside my locus of control.

So why do I still not want to talk to this person that I don’t want to talk to? Darned if I know! Probably it’s time to write that book.

22 thoughts on “How to Want what you Don’t Want

    • You’re right, Melissa. I want to live a life where I meet new people all the time, and not just people like me. I want to meet someone who thinks so different to me that I feel like an alien from another planet.
      Did you see the new Top Gun movie? There’s a part where Maverick (played by Tom Cruise) crashes his plane. He must have jettisoned before impact because the next scene is him walking into a hick bar in the back end of nowhere looking extremely frazzled in what’s left of his hi-tech suit (like a spacesuit). There’s a kid on a stool sucking on a drink through a straw with eyes as wide as a plate and Maverick staggers over to him and says “where am I?” and the kid, with awe in his voice says “Earth”. Well, I want to be like that. Like both of them. Do your books cover subjects like this, Melissa? 😊

      Liked by 1 person

      • In high school my friend, who smoked, would bum a cig from someone and start a conversation. We were both like that and talked to anyone who wanted to.
        I haven’t seen the new Top Gun movie. I will now.
        My MerSea series is about a conservationist who gets stung by a rogue stingray and becomes a mermaid. By book three Sarah is flying in a spaceship and hanging out with other mermaids and reptilians. So yes I love writing about paranormal and esoteric things. Thanks for asking!

        Liked by 1 person

        • I feel lots of memories coming up and have many thoughts that I could use in reply to what you’ve written here. Way too many to use in such a short space. That’s the power of a great storyteller like yourself: you instigate and spark people’s thoughts and feelings. You have a gift.


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